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Monday
08Feb2010

"Trouble's a-Brewin"

You’re goddamn right it is Queenan: (via HotAir)

One of the things that helped get Obama elected was that he was really cool. This made Democrats feel cool. Tea Party types are not cool. But there are an awful lot of them out there. The Democrats thus find themselves in a bind. They cannot continue to cede the public stage to the Tea Partyers. They cannot simply sit back and do nothing. Maybe they should try torchlight parades. Or coffee claques. Perhaps even fistfights. But they better try something soon. Trouble’s a-brewin’.

Leave it to a dumb Philadelphian turned European socialist to make the right observation for all the wrong reasons. No offense Philadelphia.

I don’t know what Joe Queenan’s “cool” cred is, but kickin’ that kinda stupid shit would get get his lame ass laughed out of Jersey. Suck it Queenan.

Easily the most uncool jackasses I have ever met reside exclusively on the political left. The whole lot of ‘em are really just a bunch of wanna-be 60’s hippies. It’s actually quite comical to watch.

And wait a minute…Barack Obama is cool? Is that a joke? When the hell did that happen? The guy bowls like a moron, drinks beer like a pansy and wears mom-jeans to limp-wristedly do the worst impression of a President throwing out the first pitch that I’ve ever seen! Dude, he throws like a girl…no offense to girls.

Obama is like a halfassed metrosexual. But any self-respecting douchebag metrosexual wouldn’t be caught dead in the corny shit Obama wears. You wanna see corny? Look no further than Queenan himself. Yeh, that guy’s the perfect arbiter of “cool” these days.

The only way to describe tripe like this is that fools like Queenan want to believe they’re cool…and smart. He basically admits it, albeit for idiotic reasons, when he says that Obama made Democrats “feel cool”. There’s a lot of Democrats that think they’re smart too; we’ve all gotten quite a healthy helping of Democrat intelligence this year, haven’t we.

So Queenan basically advocates that Democrats start throwing punches in order to counter the Tea Party’s rank uncoolness and yet weirdly unexplainable growing influence. Great strategy. I’m sure the million people I hung out with in D.C. on 9/12 will be literally shitting their pants at that kind of threat.

After you take the sarcasm tag off, I got news for Joe Queenan.

We’re itching for Democrats to start torchlight parades and fistfights. Let’s all take off the gloves and start throwing down. I can tell you who my money’s on in a nationwide street fight.

Hint: It ain’t Columbia undergrads or aging bongo-players like Joe Queenan.

Bring it on bitches.

Russ

PS:

 Latinos and blacks are not invited to tea parties. Well, maybe as caterers.

He’s a racist too.

Monday
08Feb2010

A Justice McNamara Dispatch

Distant. Aloof. Cold. Detached. I am, of course, describing the 44th President of the United States. There is a very good reason why these words keep appearing in newspapers and online. Because Barack Obama is distant. He is aloof. He is cold. He is detached. I was at Whole Foods Saturday, but I didn’t check the price of Arugula. Last time I bowled it was over 200, not a 37. When I hold a glass of beer, I look like I’ve held a glass of beer before. And oh, I know how to throw a baseball. 

Remember George Bush? They kept telling me he was a moron, yet somehow he got elected…President of the United States…TWICE. So who is the moron exactly? The reason? He came across as a regular person. In his past he liked to booze it up, he made jokes that can be childish (like every single guy on the freaking planet), he likes sports (he owned the Texas Rangers), and he makes errors when speaking, again, like most people do. Bush came across as some guy you would see at the local steak house in Dallas with his wife on a Saturday night.

Remember Bill Clinton? He obviously liked women and had a few too many of them, had an annoying wife, playing the saxophone, liked fast food, and came across as that friend you know who does too much of everything, but you love him anyway. Clinton came across as the guy at the strip club who is asked ‘so where is the wife tonight’ and replies ‘not here’…and everyone laughs.

Much of it is indefinable. It’s personality. It’s charisma. It’s also intangible. It is how someone ‘carries’ themselves. It is the language they use, or don’t use. It’s not about telling a hardscrabble story; we could all fashion one in some form or another. It is about how you relate to others as a person-how you look at other people. It’s about Relatability. 

Barack Obama has none. And the more you try to be someone you aren’t, the less genuine it looks. Is he black enough? Don’t know. He certainly has that Bryant Gumbel/Tiger Woods thing going, where you kind of ‘talk like a white man’. People don’t relate to Constitutional Law Professors. Think about what you think of professors. Now think of law professors. Now Constitutional law professors. Not exactly someone you can’t wait to go to the bar with. Obama is undefined and because of that, nobody defines themselves as similar to him. Because he refuses to take a stand on anything, always trying to find ‘consensus’, people don’t know what he stands for, if anything.

Fill in the blank…Barack Obama ____________.  You cant put black, or liberal, or likes to give speeches. What describes him?

The best you could say right now is that Barack Obama believes in Government.

Justice McNamara


Monday
08Feb2010

Recent Vacancy in Pennsylvania's 12th District

As my twitter friend and excellent blogger, Kill Truck, said…condolences. That’s about as much as I can muster for that jerk:

A Pentagon probe into the death of Iraqi civilians last November in the Iraqi city of Haditha will show that U.S. Marines “killed innocent civilians in cold blood,” a U.S. lawmaker said Wednesday.

That “lawmaker” was John Murtha. He deliberately slandered United States Marines, former brothers of his in the Corps, before a single shred of the Haditha story had hit the wires. As Jawa noted back in June of ‘08, six of the Marines charged were completely exonerated.

It’s God’s turn to judge John Murtha. I hope for his family’s sake he gets more of a fair shake than did the Marines he so callously condemned.

Good riddance to bad rubbish. Condolences to his family.

Russ

Monday
08Feb2010

Well, it's Official: My Alma Mater Sucks Out Loud

I went to Penn State. Parents, don’t let your babies grow up to be Nittany Lions:

A three-person board of inquiry cleared Mann of three of four charges brought by the university that he falsified or tried to destroy data, and recommended further study on the fourth charge that his methods “deviated from accepted practices” of the scientific community.

They wrote in their report that “that there exists no credible evidence that Dr. Mann had ever engaged in, or participated in, directly or indirectly, any actions with intent to delete, conceal or otherwise destroy e-mails, information and/or data.”

Mann, you’ll recall, is responsible for the “hockey stick” graph; the single biggest fraud ever perpetrated on mankind more or less begins and ends with that graph.

The graph itself and the “science” behind it have been so thoroughly debunked at this point that it should have been impossible for Penn State to not find wrongdoing on Mann’s part. This is a cover-up, plain and simple, and the entire University ought to be ashamed of themselves. Mann deliberately cherry-picked data in a conscious effort to produce findings that would merely shock an observer into believing the global warming lie. Then, after you give an Oscar to the most shameless liar on the planet, every nimrod in this Country gets to point to the graph and say “Look! See! The planet is melting and it’s our fault!without ever giving a thought to how such a thing could happen.

Look at it. Just by looking at it anyone with even a modicum of common sense would realize that something is horribly wrong with the graph’s conclusions. But alas, the world is full of idiots and we’d have to wait nearly a decade for the truth to come out.

And what does Penn State do when given the opportunity to relieve this asswipe of his responsibilities in indoctrinating young minds?

He charges that the panel did little more than look at the e-mails Mann sent and that, despite claims that “hundreds of hours” of time had been put into the investigation, only two people were actually interviewed. “None of them had any direct knowledge of the e-mails,” he said.

“The only interviews cited in the report other than Mann’s are with Jerry North and Donald Kennedy,” he said. “Both are Mann’s supporters and none have anything to do with the charges. Kennedy was the editor of Science magazine, and North helped Mann defend the ‘hockey stick’ graph. Yet Phil Jones, who got the e-mails, wasn’t contacted.”

Steve McIntyre of the Web site Climate Audit also charged that the panel looked at papers that were already publicly available. “They did not examine any of Mann’s correspondence that was not already in the public record,” he said. In effect, he argued, the panel didn’t use any of its investigatory powers to plumb deeper.

In other words, they did nothing.

Shame on you Penn State. For this, I might be rooting for the Buckeyes next year.

Ok…let’s not go that far.

Russ

h/t Hammertoe

Monday
08Feb2010

It Don't Mean a Thing

If it ain’t got that swing.

In succession, here are the two stories leading the Daily Caller’s morning bell:

Rumors began circulating last Friday that the New York Times is preparing to publish a scathing expose of NY Gov. David Paterson. According to Gawker, “there is a rumor that the governor and his wife are swingers.” Business Insider reports that “the governor’s resignation will follow” publication of the New York Times story, which has not been published as of this writing.

And this:

Despite winning the Democratic primary last week, Scott Lee Cohen, Chicago pawnbroker, prostitute-dater, deep-pocketed boot-strapper, has withdrawn from the Illinois lieutenant governor race following allegations that he is not the greatest guy in the world. “For the good of the people … I will resign,” the Chicago Tribune reports Cohen as tearily saying during Superbowl halftime at a Chicago bar.

Coincidence?

The Blind Swinger and the Chicago Hooker-Broker? Chihobro?

What a way to start the week.

Russ

 

Sunday
07Feb2010

Does Your Conscience Bother You?

Well deserved NOLA.

Destiny’s a funny thing. It wouldn’t exist if it didn’t exist.

To the Naw’lins Saints:

 

Could’a scored a few more points though assholes…but…

Get lit NOLA. Have lots of unprotected sex with chicks you don’t know…

You won the Super Bowl!!

Don’t go to Disneyland.

Cheers.

Russ

Sunday
07Feb2010

Oh When the Saints...

go marchin’ in…oh when the Saints go marchin’ in. Yes I want…to be in that number…yeh…when the Saints go marchin’ in.

I got a dollar parlay with the Saints on the money line and the over (57). h/t Justice McNamara.

Don’t really have any skin in this game but I want Jets fans to know I got their back.

Here’s a little Louis for ya and some Black & Gold Rule 5.

Enjoy the game.

Who Dat!

Russ

Saturday
06Feb2010

Happy Birthday Mr. President

Yeh, Mr. President:

Enjoy watching how a real leader leads.

Hold the line on spending”.

Simple brilliance is simply brilliant.

Put Reagan On Rushmore.

Russ

Saturday
06Feb2010

NO SLEEP TIL...

To my man down in ‘gittin jiggy wit’ it’..

BROOKLYN!

Yeh I haven’t crashed yet. Too busy lovin’ the salt of global warming. They have an explanation for this too though. It’s another kind of hockey stick. It changes with the wind and consensus.

I got two words for ya:

WHITE CASTLE!


“So you think this is just about the burgers huh…”

Russ

Right…girls. Sorry.

 

I know this chick. She’s stupid hot.

And good ‘ol boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye singin’ this’ll be the day that I die….

 

I couldn’t take one more step…


Saturday
06Feb2010

I was gonna do a post...(UPDATED: With Smarter People Than I)

…but then I got high.

(kinda sorta content warning…if you’re a prude)

Jus kiddin’…I think?

Legalize it!

Russ

(Original post at Thursday, February 4, 2010 at 7:34 PM)

Saturday
06Feb2010

Obama the FLAMETHROWER! (UPDATED: With Banjo!)

The kids love this one:

This time last year, the Obama Store was teeming with customers. Ideally situated in the basement of Washington’s Union Station, the store was filled with consumers eager to buy anything with Obama’s likeness while others took pictures of the life-size cut-outs of the president and first lady. Now, the Obama Store is boarded up.

How quickly things change in a year.

The Obama Store was capitalism at its most brilliant rawness; find a market and exploit it quickly. The store made possible one-stop shopping for all of your tacky Obama merchandise needs. T-shirts! Hats! Calendars! Hand-warmers! Keychains! It was like something out of Spaceballs (“Obama: The Flame Thrower! The kids love this one.”). The store carried every imaginable product with the words “Obama” and “Commemorative,” except, notably, the Obama Chia Pet.

Doug Heye reminds us of what we already knew by demonstrating that, at least in the Mecca of Obamamania, the only color that matters…green…has stopped flowing for all things Obama. You have to wonder whether the small business entrepreneurs that opened the Obama Store are now cursing Obama’s policies that helped lead to their demise. ‘Hey…where’s my stimulus Obama!’

Admittedly, as Heye notes, “the closing of the Obama Store may not be due solely to Obama’s falling popularity. Perhaps the faltering economy (which Obama has nothing to do with, he keeps telling us) played a role.”

But:

[T]he store was ideally situated to make big profits. Not only was it in the District of Columbia, where Obama won 93 percent of the vote, but Union Station is swarmed by the most wallet-opening demographic of them all—tourists!

Obama merchandise is obviously a niche market with no real long-term prospects of success. The thing to take away from this is just how fast it all came crashing down. You may have thought Obama merchandising would have been a profitable enterprise for the duration of his presidency in November, 2008, and you would not have been considered a crank. But leave it to the object of your desire to beat you mercilessly into oblivion by alienating millions of people who voted for him and who may have continued to frequent establishments peddling wares emblazoned with his image.

He really is a slow learner.

Ultimately though it’s a lesson in the pitfalls of promoting a mortal as a deity. As far as I’m aware, sales of bibles haven’t stopped humming and yet, for some odd reason, ‘he who is the one we were waiting for’ can’t seem to keep a Union Station newsstand shop in business with the power of his being.

Go figure.

Heye’s conclusion is a good one:

This Valentine’s Day, visitors to Union Station who had hoped to express their love for a significant other with a $20 pink T-shirt of Barack and Michelle Obama in a heart-shaped picture commemorating the “Presidential Romance” (or T-shirts of Obama and Joe Biden commemorating the “Presidential Bromance,” for that matter) may now be unable to do so. That the Obama Store—which apparently received no stimulus money—has closed may be the most tangible sign yet that the honeymoon is over.

Back to plain ‘ol candy and flowers. What a drag.

Russ

h/t Reverend Guido McLovin

(Original post at February 4, 2010 at 12:49PM)

Saturday
06Feb2010

Gettin' Giddy Wit' it

 

Yeh. I punked out last time. Admitted.

Bet the farm that shit won’t happen again.

I wanna say something smart here. I really do.

But I gave my twenty dolla bill to the man up in the hills:

Relax….

I’ll git it back.

Russ

 

Saturday
06Feb2010

No. Seriously. People Make it Rain.

And snow…and warm…and cool…and…stuff and things and…

That’s a beautiful tune. It ain’t gonna cure my Mother’s arthritis either.

Oh…that’s right…my bad. When people breathe and and cars move, it makes the world hotter…then colder…then, what…warm?

Dude. Science solves everything. The hell is wrong with you. I mean, really. The cold’s been gone for like what…

And science figured out AIDS like a million years ago…

Dude, maybe your grandmother died of Cancer but, shoot, that’s all said and done. Nobody dies of Cancer anymore…

Like, we can make the clouds say “Hi everybody…Nothin’ wrong today!”

Uh…

Russ

 

Saturday
06Feb2010

Early Tea Party Convention Review: It Sucks (UPDATED: Live Word From the Ground)

Ok, that’s not entirely fair, but the phrases “boredom and lack of enthusiasm” and “scripted and clinical and very much a convention” pepper our good friend T Christopher from Republican Redefined’s first dispatch from Nashville. (follow the link to read the whole report)

September 12, 2009-Washington D.C.

But the night is young, so we’ll see where it goes. T’s taking pictures and has a suit on, (and apparently there’s a bachelorette party nearby…niiiiiiice), so I’m expecting nothing less than Class-A, semi-buzzed journalism of the highest quality; the kind to which we’ve grown accustomed from T.

I’ll leave you with this from the first report:

The event is much as I anticipated – completely out of its element in this venue, lacking in the passion that was the staple of the Tea Party movement, and way, way, way too regimented and political party-esque for my tastes.

In case you haven’t seen them, for a taste of the passion T’s talking about, check out our 9/12 and 12/15 galleries.

Be sure and check T’s site often throughout the weekend for analysis of the Convention. We’ll continue to bring you his highlights here as well.

Give ‘em hell T.

Russ

(first post 8:10 p.m.: Note to Squarespace-Fix it)

Friday
05Feb2010

Quick Programming Note for my 21 Readers

Ok ok…that’s a lie. Quck note to my seven readers. Come on…allow me the rule of three at least.

Jessica: If a guy tells you how many girls he’s hooked up with, it’s not even close to that. You take that number and divide it by three, then you get the real total. OK, so if Kevin is saying it’s been three girls it’s more like one or none.

Vicky: None?

Jessica: The rule of three. It’s an exact science. Consistent as gravity.

Well…not as consistent as gravity but…

When we started this thing 174 days and 840 posts ago, we had no idea where it was going. I take that back. I had no idea where it was going.

Dumb thoughts like “Hey, let’s try and challenge HotAir for Conservative internet dominance” actually spewed from my mouth. It took about six minutes to realize that dream wasn’t even unrealistic…it was fucking retarded.

So I just said what the hell; dance like nobody’s watching and have a good time. It wasn’t this blog, per se, that drove me to the 9/12 rally, but it had something to do with it. For that alone I say “thank you blog”.

Which leads me to the programming note. Initially, partly because of the aforementioned crazy messianic fantasies that not only would not, but could not come through, (remind you of anyone? Difference? We learned fast) we started out with the tagline “Opening Minds to Conservative Thought”. Don’t laugh.

We haven’t given up on that completely. Our Common Sense section still houses, we think, the very best in serious policy discussion. I still do my best in the blog to promote the more establishment policy writers and libertarian philosophers I think do the best job of explaining why we’re right. G’head…snoop around.

But there’s little question the tagline was misleading. I’m not really interested in opening minds. If your mind is closed, or shackled in “progressive” thought, I can’t help you; only you can help you.

So we changed it to “A Conservative Madman’s Conversations With Himself” to more accurately reflect what readers should expect from this blog.

If you’ve been here, you know what I’m talking about. If you’re new here…hey, do what you’re gonna do. Forewarned is forearmed.

So that’s it. I hate programming notes and promise to never, ever do another one.

Sorry for wasting your time.

Here’s some pretty girls.

Russ